Notes from “How to Be a People Magnet: Finding Friends—and Lovers—and Keeping Them for Life”
1. Friends, Lovers, and Business Proteges – all three are very important connections to make
2. Eliminate the FUD Factor (that is Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) from your life
3. When you say something, be sure to back it up with data and actions
4. Always have a positive attitude and be focused on the good things in life
5 Turn people’s frowns upside down by making a conscious effort to understand what the listener is thinking and feeling in the moment, and then begin to speak in terms of their perspective
6 Give people just the right amount of eye contact when you greet them, sometimes even an extra second more too…most people love the extra attention
7 When you say thank you, be sure to explain why you are thankful, that’s when the big smiles come in
8 Don’t tap people on the shoulders, but rather gently touch their shoulders to get attention, it subconsciously attracts them in…if she makes a further advance it means she is in a good mood and likes you…be extremely careful with this one in a work setting, in fact completely disregard this advice unless you are willing to get canned.
9 When smiling at people, make it a smile that slowly progresses onto your face while you’re absorbing their inherent beauty, rather than a jerky superficial smile that politicians like to do
10 People magnets sense other people’s emotions when they are talking with them by looking at their gestures, fidgeting, skin flushing, eye contact, and everything else in their body language…and then they can respond appropriately in words, tone of voice, and actions.
11.1 Men shouldn't be overly instructive or sexual when talking to women, but rather try to achieve these characteristics instead:
(1) Preface requests for help by stating an observation or asking a question first
(2) Soften requests and commands with phrases like “could you?” or “would you be able to?” or “Could I ask you to?”
(3) Be more tentative when interrupting women with a question, such as “I’m sorry to bother you but…”
(4) Minimize facts and use more feeling words such as I’m “pleased, moved, irritated, enthusiastic, etc”
(5) Ask her “what about you?” or “what do you think?” in order to solicit her opinion
(6) Show caring and respect in your communication
(7) Sometimes say “I’m sorry” even if you don’t really care that much
11.2 When speaking with men, women should:
(1) Lower their voice and speak more directly, less hesitantly, and say what they want
(2) Come out and say what is meant, as opposed to beating around the bush
(3) Don’t be humble or apologetic, but rather be straight up and forward with what is being said
(4) Substitute facts for feelings
(5) Don’t ask guys how they are feeling
(6) Show appreciation and trust
(7) Never apologize unless they really mean it
12 When listening to a woman, express more animation and interactivity by nodding and supporting each few points with an “uh huh” and “yes, I see”, but when listening to men show less animation and listen to the whole concept before interjecting
13 Get rid of or minimize contact with the constant criticizers or trashers in your life.
14 Make an effort in how you move to be macho, take bigger strides, be more courteous and protective, and be more loving in the moves you make.
15 Wave to a lot of people when you enter a room even if you don’t know them or they’re not facing your direction, and then pick somebody who’s there alone in the crowd to talk with
16 When shaking someone’s hand make sure to (1) maintain eye contact (what color are their eyes?), (2) have the webs of the thumbs touching, (3) exert light pressure on the back of the hand, (4) keep your palms tight enough to hold a marble in between, and that (5) your palms are facing the ground.
17 When hugging someone be sure to hold tight for a second or two longer, and make it a real and honest hug instead of a superficial one.
18 Practice this winning conversation style: (1) keep the energy level up by avoiding long pauses, (2) talk longer and give longer answers to questions, and (3) reciprocate by asking a few questions when your you’re done answering theirs.
19.1 It’s the "conversational melody" that counts when talking with people, so make them feel special with your body language and genuine gestures
19.2 Always talk to strangers, at least 10 per day, with enthusiasm and a twinkle in the eye and practice the points in this note sheet about being a people magnet
20.1 Learn to ask all the right questions (Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?) So that you have all the right answers. It is better to get all the answers from a trustworthy source like the internet or books, rather than asking people everything, unless they really enjoy giving all the details.
20.2 Analyze various situations in you life by asking yourself “what is everything I could learn from this?” and “what can I improve upon the next time around?” Be optimistic.
21 Have a “you can do” attitude with people. Help them figure out the next steps that they need to take in order to make their goals work out the way they want, even if they're seemingly impossible steps. When you meet someone, you should continually keep the relationship growing, you should be a better friend or lover, and also draw new friends and lovers to you as well.
22 You should consciously grow your gifts in all life areas—appearance, knowledge, finances, personality, prestige, and character.
23 Plan surprises for good friends to let them know your feelings for them are special.
24 When at emotional events such as funerals, weddings, or graduations take the time to briefly tell somebody about your emotions. Privately let your emotions out on a good friend at least once a month as well.
25 Take your friends out to a game or bar and pay the tab and for the tickets so that you come across as nice and charatible.
26 Give people souvenirs and little gifts to show you appreciate them for who they are and what they do.
27 Stand up for your friends in times of need and when it’s the right thing to do. Not only will your friends like you for it, but also you’ll like yourself more for it too.
28 Do thoughtful things for your colleagues at work
29 Hang out with people who are not as “cool” as you are … there are a lot more uncool people in this world than there are cool people
30 Beautiful people are usually lonely people because nobody thinks they are good enough for them. So, your odds of becoming friends with a lone beauty are actually pretty good. Make it a goal to talk to them when you see them.
31 People who overcome a physical challenge are usually very inspiring people to be friends with, so be sure to make friends with them. Don’t actually call them “physically challenged” though because they don’t appreciate that. Imagine if you angered FDR by calling him "physically challenged", it would have been a big mistake.
32 Be yourself and use your own mind when planning your big moves. Goals are things to aim at, if you don’t achieve a goal at least you are that much better off than before you attempted.
33 Make friends with people who have a foreign accent or with different skin color, they usually have a lot of stories to tell about when they grew up in a different culture, and you could learn many things from them.
34 The keys to staying together for the long term are (1) holding the belief that staying together is a major obligation, (2) fearing large losses financially, emotionally, and socially from a breakup, and (3) actually loving and respecting the person too. Once the sexual attraction has passed in a relationship, there is actually still a much stronger binding love that underlies it.
35 People who look and act like you are more than 4 times as likely to fall in love with you. It’s the same principle as why family reunions are so much fun…although not everybody who looks and acts like you is necessarily in your family, you might still want to take precautious steps to make sure of that before dating one.
36 If you are looking for somebody to love, try to get out and do an activity you enjoy at least once a week. People who play together are also very good at staying together.
37 If a woman smiles at man, it’s a sure invite to mingle and get to know each other.
38 It’s a great thing when a woman matches a guy’s enthusiasm level.
39 When “getting to make a woman’s acquaintance” give her some eye contact when you are in her line of site, and then give a respectful smile and small nod when she notices you. If she looks downward, perhaps smiling, it’s a good sign that she likes you. If she looks horizontally around it may mean she is still considering you. If she looks upwards or rolls her eyes at you, it may mean she is either with somebody already or that she’s not interested…at this point, check your watch (or microwave a minute hotdog) and if she looks back to you within 45 seconds, it is as good as an invite to approach and talk with her. At that point, (1) give a second genuine smile, (2) walk close to her and get within talking distance. The more she turns to face you, the more she likes you. (3) Say something that is neutral and courteous but impersonal. Keep your voice low, warm, confident and ask an “open ended” question about how she’s enjoying the social event or who she knows there. Try to avoid asking personal questions, and try to maintain a friendly dialogue and atmosphere without being too forward.
40 It always helps to be socially prepared with some compliments and funny lines before you approach people. Think of a few compliments or jokes you could tell if they aren’t in a good mood yet. This is an excellent skill that saves face and really helps in turning an immediate no into an eventual yes, if necessary.
41 Make sure that you are well informed in many or all subject matters so that you always have something intelligent to add to the conversation.
42 It’s extremely nice when a woman doesn’t try to solve a man’s emotional problems, however once or twice a week a man should consult his woman for input on a personal problem or emotional issue that he’s experiencing. Women love communicating about that kind of stuff.
43 Ask a woman what’s wrong when she seems upset. Chances are there is something wrong, plus it shows that you care about her feelings too.
44 A stubbornly pushy woman is not a good thing in a relationship. If she doesn’t change her pushy ways, she might just as well be "let go"…note, when relieving a woman, always try to end on a good note with her, be positive and encourage her to go find a new man who more fits the mold of what she’s trying to change you into. If nothing else, she can still be your friend assuming she can learn to stop criticizing you, or if she can learn to stop criticizing altogether then the relationship might just spark up with mutual attraction once again too sometime later on.
45 Anytime you are confused about how to deal with a particular relationship problem, it is smart to seek the council of a bright woman for ideas on how to fix it or to take a more sensitive approach to the situation.
46 Women are always thinking about whether there will be a next time with a man or not. If you take her to a place that has a less than ideal environment and setting, let her know that you’re interested in continuing to be with her. In some cases, even let her pick the next setting to meet at…also, let her know that you enjoy spending the time with her regardless of the environment or setting.
47 It’s nice when a woman doesn’t complain about her emotional problems with a man, but rather when she expresses them with a group of other women. This is because most of their emotional issues are vague rather than specific, and men like to solve problems that are more specific.
48 Tell her how beautiful she is and how much fun it is just spending time with her, especially when you’re in a crummy place or situation. Aim for being a poetic and lyrical conversationalist, be almost musical with your words and she’ll really appreciate the effort on your part. It is nice to do that at least once a day.
49.1 For every hour that you are apart from a woman, give her a minute of your time the next time you see her. Doing so will help her realize that you really do care about her. It also helps to give her a moment of affection, a smile, wink, or perhaps a kiss depending on the appropriateness of the situation.
49.2 It’s important to emphasize to your woman that your moments of silence do not translate into disinterest for her, but rather they are periods of rejuvenation that are delightful to go through instead.
50.1 The idea of networking is that you are sharing your talents and gifts with people whom you like. It’s helpful in that people tend to reciprocate and advance the status of friendship to either business protégé or even lover if they deem it advantageous…make a list of the gifts you have to offer people, and conversely the gifts they have to offer you in return as well, and be sure to rationally select whom you decide to help and why.
50.2 Networking involves getting out there and participating in events where you can meet people whom share similar interests with you. Networking also involves further periodic corresponding with those people by phone or online as well.
51.1 Look for the best people in their respective fields and be sure to share your gifts with them. Be sure to make a list of who you know and what they do for quick reference for when you could use their assistance in an emergency. Here is a non-exhaustive list for you to make an acquaintance with, unless you can do these things yourself (accountant, artist, banker, car repairperson, community leader, elected official, firefighter, headhunter, high ranking cop, house painter, insurance expert, lawyer, local celebrity, media personality, real estate broker, travel agent, tree surgeon, veterinarian, etc)…note: the more you know how to do yourself, the less reliant you will be on other people, but it's still not entirely possible to know everything there is to know.
51.2 Make friends with most of your neighbors. Do this by giving parties periodically, calling them when they're lonely or if you’re out of town, inviting them over for dinner or ballgame or other event on TV sometimes, give them little gifts and trinkets (especially for their kids), plan an occassional surprise event for them as well.
52 Make a decent effort to meet up with your old friends from years past and catch up with them, and try to maintain an ongoing dialogue with them over the internet and by phone…they’re your old friends after all. Do much the same with your new friends as well.